she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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