my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
