she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize