Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
