my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
