At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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