is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dignity is for republicans.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
