maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
