he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
