my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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