real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
