Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
