so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
