so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
