im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
