I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize