im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
