I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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