people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize