Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize