Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
