I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
