So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
