I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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