Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
