the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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