I am in a vortex of obligation.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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