Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
