Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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