I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
