I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Are we still banned from the library?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
