Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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