I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
