oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I pour the whiskey from now on
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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