if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize