I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize