nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
