I wanna bring you to show and tell
worst night to have a conscience
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
