Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
