hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
