Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
