Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
