You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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