we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
