i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
