You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
