i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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