You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
