dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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