someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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