What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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