Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
