absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
