so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
