We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
