let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
