So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
