Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
