saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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