you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
