I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
