Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
