apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
