Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
