what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize