When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
