worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
