What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
