I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
