Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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