a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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