why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize