Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
