Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
