No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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