He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
